the reality of parenthood

who:

Rebecca Henning- director

married to:

Doug Henning- camera op

Studio City, Ca

in our industry we travel a lot, you two have done a ton of travel shows.  how do you deal with travel now that you are parents?

We have been traveling with Finn since she was 28 days old.  I literally went to the pediatrician’s office for her one month apt and when he gave the ok to fly I continued onto LAX to board a plane for Maui, Hawaii where Doug was shooting a show.  We then took her on location to NYC for 4 months when she was 2 months old.  After that we were off to New Zealand on location when she was 6 months old.  Finn literally had spent only 6 weeks in her room at our house in LA by the time she was 8 months old.  It has been fairly easy traveling so far with Finn because she hasn’t known anything but this kind of life up to this point. Now that she is wanting to run around all day it’s getting more difficult because she doesn’t want to be cooped up on a plane for 10 hours anymore.  We try to schedule as much as possible, which as everyone in the industry knows is nearly impossible.  We got a passport for Finn ASAP, and got the list of what shots a baby needed to travel to which countries.  We made the decision right away to keep her on a very loose schedule so that she was able to adjust to any new environment she was in.  My theory with Finn is that as long as she has consistent love and normalcy in the little routines that we do actually do with her, then she is way ahead of a lot of kids out there.

we have such unpredictable schedules in our industry, how do you handle child care/nannies?

We’ve tried really hard to work one at a time so that there is a parent always with Finn, but when I finally went back to work we attempted to do opposite shifts on the same show and we overlapped much more than we thought we would.  We had to get help on that show, and then I took a few months off to try to rethink this whole working with a baby thing.  We have no immediate family out here in LA, so we have really leaned on our friends to get us out of last minute binds before we got a nanny. We finally had to get a nanny when we both were on shows at the same time.  The thing with both of us being freelance in production is that we often don’t need a nanny full time, and when we do need one the hours vary all the time, so finding someone flexible is key, and the most difficult thing.  Its hard to hire someone and say ‘oh by the way I don’t get my call time until 11pm, so I won’t be able to tell you what time you need to come in tomorrow’.  But, in defense of the production companies, its not their problem to deal with our personal situations, so if things happen last minute we just try to make arrangements as best as we can.  We are still working on what to do with the nanny situation.  I really don’t want someone full time when we aren’t working, so we aren’t sure how to get around that yet.

most of us coming up working in reality tv started when we were very young  and therefore were able to accommodate a production company's every whim, we were at their beck and call.  being parents requires some structure and planning.  are productions helpful/understanding about  your new dynamic?

Yes and no.  Two different companies have told me things that could be considered offensive.  First I was told that if I was to come on a show to direct, the fact that I was a parent now really ‘couldn’t get in the way’ of me doing my job.  Then more recently a line producer told me that ‘he really tries to avoid hiring mothers because they just don’t stay focused on the job’.  With that said, we have had awesome support from other companies we work for, and there are EP’s out there that know I am a mom now and if they want me they block the day shift off for me without me even asking for that shift.

are the jobs you take different now that you are a parent?

I’m not sure the jobs are different now as much as the shifts are different.  I’m not going to be super excited to take a show that causes me to not see my daughter for a few months at a time, and if I were to work a 7am to 7pm shift 6 days a week, I would literally never see her.  I am all about the mid shift now, whereas before I wanted the first shift of the day.

we all know that production companies have a habit of springing last minute travel on us, how do you handle spur of the moment travel for work?

Well that’s a tricky one.  Doug and I just did a show together that shot in Scottsdale on and off all summer.  The flights were booked last minute and we chose to drive so that we could have Finn and our nanny with us.  It was often a pain in the ass because if the crew was flying out of LA at 6am and working as soon as they landed then we had to drive the night before.  It was also the company policy that if we flew we could not have Finn in any company vehicle because she wasn’t an employee so it was a bit of a nightmare to negotiate what to do.  We ended up working it all out with no major issues at all, but it was a learning experience for sure.

how will you deal with school and work?

Once Finn is school age everything will change for us.  Since we don’t want to home school or have a traveling tutor with us, we will need to make sure that one of us is here full time for the school year.  This of course means that we can’t keep taking shows that travel like we do now.  We figure we have 3 more years left of being able to go wherever we want whenever we want, and then I most likely will be the one to stay here in LA during the school year and Doug will be the one to take a traveling show if the need arises.

do you think you will you stay in LA?

I am not sure if we will stay in LA as Finn gets older, or as we expand our family.  We own a home in Maine and often talk about having the Maine house be our base with Los Angeles as a secondary location, but the simple fact is that this is where the work is for now, and while we have concerns about putting Finn into school in LA, for the moment this is the place we need to be.  I think when school age gets closer we will revisit having LA as our permanent base.

will you stay in the biz?

I don’t know.  I think if anyone is to drop out of the industry it will be me, but I just can’t imagine what I would do with myself  if I didn’t do this.  I love my job, and hope to continue to find a way to do both.  Maybe I will just be the type who does a show or two a year and is a full time mom for the rest of the time.  When I have taken long chunks of time off to just be home with Finn I start to miss work after a month or so.  But, when I have done a show that lasts more than 2 months, I have started to freak out a bit missing Finn.  Vicious cycle on this one I think!

what advice do you have for new parents or wanna be's?

My advice to anyone who wants to have kids but is afraid to do so because they work in the crazy world that is reality TV, would be to just go for it.  You will find your way when the baby arrives.  We have people tell us all the time that they are afraid to have kids because they don’t think its possible to have kids and a career in TV, then they see us doing it with Finn and they think maybe it’s possible.  Is it hard? Sure.  But the people that work a 9-5 Monday- Friday will also tell you its hard to be a parent too, but for very different reasons.  I feel like it’s worked for us because we haven’t coddled Finn and therefore she is quite independent at this point, and that makes it a whole lot easier on us.  We do what we do with her because no one told us we couldn’t.   That would be my biggest suggestion, just do it the way you want to do it and you can’t go wrong.  That, and don’t listen to any judgment from other people who just want to criticize. I got an earful from lots of people when I chose to fly with Finn when she was a month old, but since my doctor ok’d it and that was where my husband was, I wanted to fly to him as opposed to being alone for almost 3 weeks in LA.  It was fine, and we had a ton of fun.

A lot of people have said to us they want to wait until they are really established so that if they have to take time off then companies won't forget about them.  We have never been the kind of people who are afraid to turn down a show because we think companies won't ever call us again, so that logic isn’t familiar to us.  I think if you feel ready to have a baby then do it.  If you are the kind of person who is afraid to ask for a day off to go to a family event or a close friends wedding because you think you’ll never get hired again, then kids might not be the best choice for you.  My priority has always been my personal life before work, and therefore I feel like I have been able to find balance with both.  When I am on set I give 100% so that when I go home I can give my family 100% as well.

do you have new priorities?

Finn is for sure my biggest priority now.  But the only way that has changed for me in the work place is that I have noticed that I never stay on set anymore after my shift just to see what is going to happen.  I used to stay and watch elimination because I was so invested in the show and who was going home.  But now, I just want to get home before Finn goes to sleep if I can.  If I can’t make it home before she’s in bed I may hang about for a while, but I usually just want to get home to see her after being away for 12 hours.  So much of our industry is a social game.  Every show on location somewhere other than LA there always is the clique of people who are out to dinner every night or out drinking together all the time.  While there are times I would love to be able to join in for a nice dinner out, we have found that it’s almost impossible now.  When you are on a 12-hour shift and are paying for a nanny to watch your kid for that whole time, you really can’t call them to say ‘Oh hey I’m going out for drinks now for a few hours, you don’t mind working an 18 hour day right?’ Plus, when you’ve been away from your baby all day, its just nice to go home and stare at them sleeping for a few minutes.  That takes all the pressure from set away in an instant…

rebecca is currently directing a show in LA and doug is shooting in alaska...and they are making it work, happily